I'm No Superman
There was a time in my life (2001, according to Wikipedia) when I felt so put upon that when I heard the theme song to NBC's Scrubs, I almost cried and then wrote about it in my diary. I, appropriately, as a teenager, felt like I had waaaaay too many responsibilities for someone my age. I wanted to go out with my friends whenever I wanted, and to stay out as late I wanted, and, basically, to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to do it. And I couldn't. Because my mom was working nights as an RN and all the babysitters we ever had sucked.
In 2001, my little sisters were 10 and 12, and I was elected free-of-charge babysitter. There were too old to need someone more responsible than me, but too young to stay home by themselves.
It didn't end well.
In 2001, I was 15. I felt put upon. Like I knew everything there was to know, and don't you dare tell me otherwise. One of my blessings/curses is that I am always confident in my decisions.
That means that when I'm wrong, I feel like I'm right.
Today, I usually realize my mistake a few hours later. In 2001, it might have taken days. Or years. Or seven years.
But today my sisters are 17 and 18. In my head, they will always be 6 and 7, throwing my hampster out the second story window in an old shoe to be caught by the one standing below. I was only one awake when the thunder was so strong that it shook the bird-themed decorative plates on the cabinet, watching the weather forecast to make sure I could wake everyone up and get them down to the basement if there was a tornado.
But in reality, they are just about grown up.
As you know, graduating from college has made me think about my life, but watching Scrubs tonight (and listening to the theme song....three? times now) has made me think about it more, about that one specific night when I was sitting on the stairs, mad at the world and telling my diary that I Was No Superman. And I wasn't. I was just a 15 year old girl, trying to figure out who I was, in a world full of all kinds of people.
Today, I don't feel like I have to be Superman. What a relief.
In 2001, my little sisters were 10 and 12, and I was elected free-of-charge babysitter. There were too old to need someone more responsible than me, but too young to stay home by themselves.
It didn't end well.
In 2001, I was 15. I felt put upon. Like I knew everything there was to know, and don't you dare tell me otherwise. One of my blessings/curses is that I am always confident in my decisions.
That means that when I'm wrong, I feel like I'm right.
Today, I usually realize my mistake a few hours later. In 2001, it might have taken days. Or years. Or seven years.
But today my sisters are 17 and 18. In my head, they will always be 6 and 7, throwing my hampster out the second story window in an old shoe to be caught by the one standing below. I was only one awake when the thunder was so strong that it shook the bird-themed decorative plates on the cabinet, watching the weather forecast to make sure I could wake everyone up and get them down to the basement if there was a tornado.
But in reality, they are just about grown up.
As you know, graduating from college has made me think about my life, but watching Scrubs tonight (and listening to the theme song....three? times now) has made me think about it more, about that one specific night when I was sitting on the stairs, mad at the world and telling my diary that I Was No Superman. And I wasn't. I was just a 15 year old girl, trying to figure out who I was, in a world full of all kinds of people.
Today, I don't feel like I have to be Superman. What a relief.
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